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Oct 16, 2008
A conversation between Ferry and myself today
Stuff like this happens on a daily basis, but usually not as long. Enjoy the ridiculousness.
(3:02:59) omgferry Fun Fact: I was murdered in Burma.
(3:03:08) magicmarkker1 shut your whore face
(3:03:15) omgferry Haha
(3:03:43) omgferry I don't even know where Burma is.
(3:04:01) magicmarkker1 asia somewhere i believe
(3:04:21) omgferry http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Image:Baganmyo.jpg
(3:04:22) omgferry Sick.
(3:04:29) omgferry I was totally killed on top of that awesome thing.
(3:04:51) magicmarkker1 by a dragon
(3:04:59) omgferry Yep
(3:05:06) omgferry I had it coming, really.
(3:05:12) magicmarkker1 well your a whimp
(3:05:13) omgferry I stole his true love.
(3:05:21) magicmarkker1 I would have eaten the dragons heart from the inside
(3:05:26) omgferry Who was, ironically, a lesbian.
(3:06:08) omgferry I wanna write a memoir about the absurd fiction that is my life.
(3:06:31) magicmarkker1 do it
(3:07:01) omgferry First off, I wasn't so much born as conjured...
(3:07:38) magicmarkker1 were there ingredients used in this conjuring, if so which? If not, what was the chant used to conjure you
(3:08:08) magicmarkker1 you could totally write details based on the answers you give me
(3:08:13) omgferry It was actually a recipe for bbq chicken gone horribly wrong.
(3:08:21) magicmarkker1 HAHAHA
(3:08:37) omgferry Or... right?
(3:09:38) magicmarkker1 I dunno, guess it depends on who you ask
(3:10:06) omgferry All things considered, I think I came out alright.
(3:10:13) omgferry I've only toppled 2 governments.
(3:10:21) magicmarkker1 you don't smell anything like BBQ though
(3:10:36) omgferry I did when I first came into this world.
(3:10:43) magicmarkker1 ah
(3:10:48) magicmarkker1 wore off through the ages?
(3:11:02) omgferry In the shower.
(3:11:16) magicmarkker1 not as cool but i can accept it
(3:11:37) omgferry Not everything can be as epic as my arrival and eventual downfall.
(3:12:29) magicmarkker1 so what happened in between your arrival and your downfall, something had to have happened, don't pull a Jesus on me plz
(3:12:43) omgferry Oh, plenty happened.
(3:13:13) omgferry In fact, I hung out with JC for those 30-odd years there's no written account of him.
(3:13:26) omgferry Point of fact, there WAS written history about our antics.
(3:13:37) magicmarkker1 can you shed some light on said antics?
(3:13:40) omgferry Though he used it all for rolling papers during one crazy weekend.
(3:14:07) omgferry The Son of God could roll a magnificent joint.
(3:15:07) magicmarkker1 so thats how he walked on water
(3:15:18) omgferry That's a common misconception.
(3:15:24) omgferry He didn't so much walk and moonwalked on water.
(3:15:37) omgferry But there were no ways to describe it as moonwalking in those days.
(3:15:46) omgferry So it went down in history as a normal stroll.
(3:15:53) omgferry I assure you, he had much more style.
(3:16:40) magicmarkker1 Where you there for the water into wine specacle?
(3:16:47) magicmarkker1 Were*
(3:17:06) omgferry Unfortunately, I was sleeping off a major hangover from the night before when he turned water into jagerbombs.
(3:17:42) magicmarkker1 ok, well all that stuff is already known about him. What happened while you two were growing up
(3:18:19) omgferry Dude had angels visiting him in the night, like, 2-3 times a week.
(3:18:23) omgferry This got old after a while.
(3:18:48) omgferry Which is why we actually went on a roadtrip to what you now call Ibiza.
(3:19:08) omgferry Fun Fact: We founded the first ever nightclub.
(3:19:20) omgferry It was mainly a place to get away from his dad.
(3:19:31) omgferry Who was always going on about having to die for humanity.
(3:19:33) magicmarkker1 Joseph? or his real dad
(3:19:39) omgferry Big guy.
(3:19:43) omgferry However!
(3:19:54) omgferry Joseph never gets the credit he is due.
(3:20:48) omgferry Prior to JC showing up he was a pretty laid back guy.
(3:21:08) omgferry Then he's randomly saddled with all these "raising the son of God" responsibilities.
(3:21:27) omgferry Which is a total no pressure situation, y'know.
(3:22:37) magicmarkker1 yeah, he handled it pretty well though I thought
(3:22:48) omgferry Oh, totally.
(3:22:57) omgferry But the good book pretty much skips over him.
(3:23:00) omgferry It's all Mary, Mary!
(3:23:09) omgferry Who, btw, total prude.
(3:23:24) magicmarkker1 Bummer
(3:24:26) magicmarkker1 so what are your feelings towards the old testament and the new
(3:25:33) omgferry Honestly, I wasn't in the area TOO much for the old testament stuff.
(3:26:05) omgferry Prior to meeting up with J, I was kicking it in the far east with Confucius and the like.
(3:26:17) omgferry But I do know that's when God had style.
(3:26:30) omgferry Wiping out the first born child of everyone in Egypt?
(3:26:33) omgferry That took balls.
(3:26:40) magicmarkker1 Totally.
(3:26:54) magicmarkker1 But if you were JC's homeboy, why weren't you in the book?
(3:27:16) omgferry I told you, there were some accounts but after that one smoke-filled weekend all that went away.
(3:27:35) omgferry Shortly after that he cleaned up his act and started finally following his father's plans for him.
(3:27:44) omgferry We parted on good terms but I didn't stick around much longer.
(3:27:53) omgferry His apostles were kind of annoying.
(3:28:00) magicmarkker1 Is that when you left for the east and where you finally met your end?
(3:28:13) omgferry No, no, not by a long shot.
(3:28:41) omgferry I haven't even gone into my time up in Scandinavia with those crazy vikings.
(3:29:06) magicmarkker1 Oh, do tell, please.
(3:30:28) omgferry Well, first off, I was on the boat with Leif Ericson t hat "discovered" North America, back in the day.
(3:30:42) omgferry Waaay before those pansies in Italy & Spain got around to it.
(3:30:54) magicmarkker1 Awesome
(3:31:07) omgferry He was a good dude.
(3:31:29) magicmarkker1 Were you down with the rape and pillaging of the native americans?
(3:32:00) omgferry Nah, that really wasn't my bag. The problem with vikings is that they all go a little stir crazy after months at sea.
(3:32:14) magicmarkker1 Understandably so.
(3:32:17) omgferry So once we found land they were like a bunch of drunken sailors on shore leave.
(3:32:41) magicmarkker1 What did you do then in North America when you got there
(3:32:51) omgferry That's when I first met the American Indians.
(3:32:59) omgferry And maaaaan, they had shit figured out.
(3:33:22) omgferry JC probably would have vibed with them a lot more than the rest of the squares in the middle east.
(3:33:39) omgferry They were really the first hippies, so to speak.
(3:33:46) omgferry They didn't even have much notion of ownership.
(3:33:54) omgferry Everything and everyone was pretty much come and go as needed.
(3:34:05) omgferry Granted, there was the occasional tribal war.
(3:34:21) magicmarkker1 Can you explain to me the role of the peace pipe?
(3:34:41) omgferry Pretty much the same as it is today.
(3:34:49) omgferry You think you're stressed after a long day of coding?
(3:34:55) omgferry Try tracking buffalo for 2 weeks.
(3:35:17) omgferry That shit will give you the itch to hit the pipe and rattle a few teepees.
(3:36:29) magicmarkker1 Interesting, did you come into contact with any tribe shaman? If so, were they really magicians or just a hoax?
(3:38:11) omgferry Like most things, it was a mixed bag.
(3:38:22) omgferry A lot of them were just old stoners who managed to learn a few petty tricks.
(3:38:27) omgferry But a few of 'em, man.
(3:38:36) omgferry They had tapped into nature.
(3:39:09) omgferry They knew how to communicate with the environment around them.
(3:39:22) magicmarkker1 I guess that could help out a bit huh
(3:39:28) omgferry Oh, totally.
(3:39:47) omgferry You ever try tracking food down on your own?
(3:39:52) omgferry That shit is tough.
(3:40:26) magicmarkker1 Sounds like they made you do it on your own at some point when you got there
(3:40:35) omgferry Well, yeah.
(3:40:47) omgferry You can't just roll up looking like I do and earn the trust of these oldheads.
(3:41:02) omgferry You needed to prove your worth before they considered you one of the tribe.
(3:41:12) magicmarkker1 I see.
(3:41:20) magicmarkker1 What did you have to do?
(3:41:52) omgferry Well, I had to lead the hunt one season so the rest of the tribe could eat & make clothing, etc.
(3:42:09) omgferry There was a whole spiritual aspect to it too.
(3:42:24) omgferry Like, you couldn't just wander around till you found some pack of animals.
(3:42:30) omgferry You had to understand them on some level.
(3:42:35) omgferry Pretty trippy shit.
(3:42:42) magicmarkker1 Interesting. So what happened next?
(3:43:18) omgferry Well, after we successfully tracked our hunt and managed to run them off a cliff (buffalo aren't the smartest of creatures) we pretty much partied for a month.
(3:43:28) omgferry Which is the crux of why I think those cats had life figured out.
(3:43:40) omgferry They work hard then share the wealth (and women) with everyone.
(3:43:49) magicmarkker1 sounds pretty awesome, hunt for 2 weeks then party for a month
(3:43:55) omgferry Yeah, it was a nice setup.
(3:44:07) omgferry We travelled around quite a bit.
(3:44:14) omgferry Generally following warm weather.
(3:44:23) omgferry Wearing hides all the time gets itchy.
(3:44:52) magicmarkker1 I could imagine.
(3:45:41) omgferry Shit all went downhill once Chris and all those cats showed up.
(3:45:59) omgferry Bringing all kinds of guns & disease and whatnot.
(3:46:19) magicmarkker1 Did you peace out then or did you stay to help fight?
(3:46:32) omgferry I was never much of a fighter.
(3:46:42) omgferry I did what I could in the first few skirmishes.
(3:46:48) omgferry But peaced out shortly after.
(3:47:03) magicmarkker1 I would have peaced out once I saw the polio blankets
(3:47:14) omgferry Yeah, you ever smell smallpox?
(3:47:18) omgferry That shit is RANCID.
(3:47:52) magicmarkker1 All right so you left after the smallpox blankets, thats what I meant, not polio. Where did you go from there?
(3:48:23) omgferry I kept heading south, hoping I could recapture the feel good vibe the natives up north had going on.
(3:48:45) omgferry Unfortunately, the whole hemisphere was on a sharp decline.
(3:49:33) omgferry I managed to book passage back to the old world and spent a little time checking out what the "developed
(3:49:40) omgferry " world had going on, while I was away.
(3:50:31) magicmarkker1 Find anything worth talking about?
(3:51:08) omgferry Nothing too spectacular. By this time nation-states were pretty well developed and the whole place had a very stiff feeling.
(3:51:14) omgferry Monarchies are a major drag.
(3:51:55) omgferry I eventually headed south to Africa only to continue on and eventually find myself back in the far east.
(3:52:18) omgferry Things surprisingly hadn't changed too much there.
(3:52:34) omgferry I mean, the names were different and they had these sick fireworks now.
(3:52:43) omgferry But the overall feel of the place was more or less unchanged.
(3:53:33) magicmarkker1 You never mentioned anything about ninjas and samurai, i'm guessing you never saw or met any?
(3:54:03) omgferry I encountered a few in my travels. But I was never a major player in that scene.
(3:54:14) omgferry They were very big on honor.
(3:54:16) omgferry Which I can dig.
(3:54:25) omgferry But not so much the whole disemboweling thing.
(3:54:27) omgferry I never got that.
(3:54:44) omgferry Samurai, that is.
(3:55:00) omgferry Ninjas were actually usually just petty thieves who wore a lot of black.
(3:55:33) magicmarkker1 Well put, so is this where you came to meet your doom?
(3:55:46) omgferry Unfortunately, yes.
(3:56:07) omgferry Shortly after I arrived I was staying in a small town on the outskirts of this epic temple.
(3:56:21) omgferry The people all worshiped this dragon that supposedly lived in the temple.
(3:56:32) omgferry I was under the impression that all those characters were long gone.
(3:57:24) omgferry I caught the eye of this one bird who was supposedly betrothed to this lizard.
(3:57:43) omgferry I figured she was on some metaphorical shit.
(3:58:03) omgferry After one night of too much sake, I found out she was quite literal.
(3:58:39) magicmarkker1 So you went to confront the dragon?
(3:58:56) omgferry Not so much confront as trip over.
(3:59:23) omgferry I was making a hasty retreat the morning after when I quite literally stepped on his tail.
(3:59:28) omgferry I thought it was a rock.
(3:59:47) magicmarkker1 That can't be good
(3:59:54) omgferry Dragons have this thing about their tails.
(4:00:00) omgferry I don't know it's some phallic thing.
(4:00:24) omgferry Anyway, grumpy and pissed off that I had just slept with his bride-to-be, he made quick work of me.Posted by Mark on 10/16/2008 3:57 PM in Awesome, Insane, WTF?
Comments
Jon Merlin
10/16/2008
I must say, that story was LEGEN-(and I hope your not lactose intolerance becasue this next part is..)-DARY!
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10/19/2008
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